Revising Experiences in Relationships

10–05–2022

Today’s lesson would be practical, and taking us to step up our Revision practices for our personal relationships. We make no deviation from the principle that makes revision effective, effortless and natural which we learned yesterday, namely: assuming the desired Ideal was already true at the moment of experience, reimagine the event as it would have naturally proceeded, believing that the reimagined scene was what happened. This is the same principle that works effectively for personal relationships. There’s, however, a notice of something that doesn’t work with relationships; it is putting an entirely different want into the revision. I would explain again with examples.

A.

Old Experience: My family resisted a lifetime decision, it caused arguments and hurt, with a sense of loss of respect, etc. In the last conversation with parents on the matter, they were asking for me to conform to societal pressures as per their understanding of how things worked.

Not effective/natural: I imagined that I was a multimillionaire, so now my parents would respect me and leave pressure to ask me to conform.

Very effective and natural: I assumed that my family was always supporting my decisions and purposes, that my parents whether they understood or not, already agreed with my ideas before our last conversation. Therefore, I naturally imagined that I was speaking with them as they were telling me how confident they were that this new approach to things would work out. They were proud that I was even bold to take the step and looking forward to celebrating the successes that we would enjoy.

NOTE: I am not imagining that we would have another conversation in the future when they would be telling me that. I imagined that when we had our last conversation, they were happy and proud of my steps, we were expressing respect for each other.

B.

Old Experience: My girlfriend didn’t like me being playful publicly and sometimes privately, and she scolded me about it very often. I felt restricted to express my playful self with the most important woman in my life. In our last outing, she was frowning at all my laughter.

Not effective/natural: I imagined that I was happily married to my girlfriend with whom I was playing in the park, and she was very happy to play hide-and-seek.

Very effective and natural: I assumed that my girlfriend and I were always playful with one another whenever and wherever we met. Therefore, I imagined that the last outing we had was so much fun where we both laughed about everything, enjoyed the moment and she told me she enjoyed herself while I told her I so much ful expressing myself with her.

NOTE: I am not imagining that we are going to grab the next ticket to the next stand-up in town. Instead, I imagined that our last and supposedly rough outing rather went playfully well as I wanted.

C.

Old Experience: My boss was over-dependent on me as her assistant. I was already in business, and I didn’t need the job again. But I found it difficult to let go because I didn’t want to hurt our relationship as she was motherly and kind. And in our last meeting at office, she assigned all the tasks she was supposed to either delegate or execute effectively to me.

Not effective/natural: I imagined that I now own my business office very far from her, became the most recognized young entrepreneur in the entire city and I became too big by position to be sent on petty errands by her.

Very effective and natural: I assumed that prior to our last meeting, she already has started to be in charge of her duties and didn’t need me to be present. Which means when we met in our last meeting, she was telling me enthusiastically to leave the duties because she could manage them, and I heard her telling me honourably to let go and focus on my business.

NOTE: I am not imagining that she is going to tell me to leave the role in our next meeting. I imagined that she expressed her confidence to handle the tasks and release me of them from our last meeting.

D.

Old Experience: I walked into my friend’s office, and there was a sudden tension that shot up. We had an exchange of words and I left angrily with worry for him.

Not effective/natural: I imagined that I was Mahatma Gandhi to everyone, that I had the most peaceful of friendships with all my neighbours.

Very effective and natural: I assumed that he was very calm and open-minded about our subject of discussion. So, I imagined that while I entered his office, we exchanged with peace. We shook hands in a friendly manner, and I hugged him before I left his office in that day.

NOTE: I am not imagining that I would be kind to him in the next meeting, but that we were already on very cordial terms the last time we met.

All four revisions were wonderfully manifested in the most effortless ways. I’ve harvested their fruits that, in fact, I’ve sprung to happier and more meaningful relationships with all the people in concern. Well, you must know the principle that because time is curved, the revision of a past event is the recreation of its future encounter. So, without having to try to manifest it, imagine it would happen in the future, etc., seeing the past did happen the way I wanted it to have happened allowed me to move into a new state of consciousness with respect to those reactions, therefore to bring about a change of experience in my future.

What makes relationships very tricky?

Often, in trying to revise something in our relationships, we go past what the revision tells us that we want to something else which, although very true that we want it, does not come naturally from revising the relationship. For instance, in example A, it would be very disturbing to my consciousness to equate something I wanted in my relationship with my girlfriend as the same as what I want for a happy marriage. This is very common by our standards, when we are revising something about an SP we’re not married to, and we assume we’re revising for marriage, rather than for the actual desires that we the situation taught us to cultivate and possess imaginally. Let me put this in more exacting terms.

Perhaps there’s an angry conversation with your SP. What inner thoughts and feelings do you react within yourself based on that? Did you take that situation and make it imply to you that you couldn’t be happily, peacefully married? Well, these feelings of insecurity about your future marriage are not based on that angry conversation, but based on your particular state of consciousness relative to marriage. So what do you do?

1. Identify that your thoughts and feelings of worry and doubt about your marriage are showing you that you haven’t assumed you have a happy marriage. You still Want it, rather than have it. But this doesn’t mean you make your revision about marriage. It only means you have your imagination work to do for your marriage TOO.

2. Now revise the angry conversation itself. You don’t want angry conversations with anyone, perhaps, especially with your loved ones, especially especially with your SP or lover. So, revise that particular conversation by assuming that you were both sweet to one another, and believing that, feel the loving conversation from there.

3. Once done with the revision, remember that you’re still wanting a happy marriage and your reactions showed you that clearly. So, proceed to imagine you have it. Go on imagining. Keep on imagining. Continue imagining with feeling that you already are happily married to the loving partner you’re pleased to have.

Be very careful to identify another want you might have and separate it from a particular experience that needs revision. If you could carefully and clearly identify the things you truly want, you would be more at peace with feeling their wishes fulfilled. Naturalness comes most effortlessly with imagining basic desires are fulfilled.

Will you put it to practice your own way?