I committed a grave sin against you.
I hope you forgive me. I 've forgiven my self though. Just asking supposing we 're friends and children.
Born of our parents, we held much promises of hope to the world around us. We didn't look really exactly as our parents, but looked like them. Each person in the world begins to figure out for us who we'll become. Since you're me and I'm you, we'll continue the story that led to my hidden sin to you in terms of 'You' and the world around you will be we. But this my story, too.
Because you were fed breast milk in the first hour of birth and you loved it, we thought you liked it because we gave it to you. But you chose to like it, and ask it plenty times after. Because you admired how we talked and tried to use your mouth, too, we thought we taught you how to talk. But you chose to, and could have kept mute the same. Now you know why another spoke much earlier than you, while another in later months than you. You chose your time.
You chose to walk, desiring to do more than sitting all day long, desiring to imitate a higher use of the limbs. But what would we the rest think again? That we made you walk. We thought we made you jump. We thought we made you eat solid meals. What's wrong with us?
Harmless, defenceless you who could only rebel with tantrums and mischief, we quickly assumed power over you baby. Could it be the true atonement to our heart for our sin? No, it couldn't. But it could keep us appear truly useful somewhere. So, we added another mask to the tamed monster we already seemed to be. The mask, 'We care for you truly.'
Now, the threefold knot we made in your life. Acting like we actually care for you; appearing to be truly useful raising you; atoning the denial of our true dreams and identities by sacrificing for you. We cajoled your pity, innocent pity, to be obedient. But by that word, we do not mean listen to the voice of life, the word of the universe working within you, making you desire more and learn more on your own. We mean choosing our rule over that powerful intuition within you that led you to desire compassion, kindness, prestige, humility, creativity and love. We mean surrender to our power. The threefold knot round your spirit's neck threatened to tighten and choke it to death if you failed to surrender and be taught by us. And you did.
You never learned to fly again. You never learned to first care for the hurt ones but to laugh at his fate. Nor wish to become a million billion uncountable naira owner again. Nor to be responsible to the society by becoming the light within you, the light for which you chose to walk, talk, jump, run. The light which for the first few seconds after your birth made you desire to make your heart beat and stay in this world, leading you to cry the tears of joy for overcoming the possibility of an immediate death. No, you never desired any more than we told you. You forgot you knew how to learn and thought you had to be taught.
We 're making up for our failure over you, atoning it and blaming that child raising was stopping us from becoming successful, and by fear that we mustn't fail at parenting, we shoved you into a shell where we could control you. Our brothers and sisters, neighbours, stepchildren and neighbour's children exploited the muteness you now chose by way of your defeat. Then they molested you sexually and abused you psychologically. You lived in a shell by the location address, 'I'm fine.' But you are not; and like the tamed monster we already are, you are taking after us gradually. Even so, by running from us and hating us. Hate is what empowered us, and now has become your working principle. You conform.
We wished you become our hope. But we wanted you to become like us. And become like us you did. Wishes never become things in this world. Determined desires only do. We wished like your adult now do for many years before and after your birth to become successful. But we never desired it with determination. And we failed. Now, that which we desire overcame that which remains our heart's true wish. And you have become like us, failure. Atoning for it in confusion and biting your self. In parenting badly and settling for less in life. Atoning for it in disguised wickedness like we have done.
When we did wickedness, you saw it then though young. And the law of life within you made you voice that it was bad. You queried and we shunned. But all that bad habit now in your hands, and you mock with others about it. We wish we can show you that you truly can become our hope only by becoming who you had been from birth, the free, out-of-shell you. But it is our wish--and you know our wishes have no power over our desires. We hope you know if you try once again to truly expand, we are going to do what we are meant to do: support. Even if it comes in being harsh against you. Breaking shells can be tough. We really wish to show you that you can with our lives. But we desire not, excusing ours that it's too late for us.
What about you? Are you going to wish like us? Are you going to ruin another like we did yours? We truly love you. We really do, but the best we did fell short of what we can and ought to do for you. We only hope you ever find out you are the light of the world, the salt of our lives.
If our words could spark light for the wick within you at all, then learn the law of life where you may. Do not forget it again. Use it like you did first at birth. We wish we can teach it to you. But we have forgotten it to in our shells. We are the blind leading the blind, and we haven't escaped the ditch. But if you can open your eyes, you may find the light waiting for you and the road leading home.
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Now, this is my sin against you. Trying to break your shell. Trying to make you desire life. Trying to help you learn the law of life. Trying to show you success, to show you who you truly can become: the hope, the light. Trying this without asking if you desired it. If you had the determination to fight for it no matter what. Me trying this with ENGRAFT CONVENTION 2021 without asking if it wasn’t just a wish within you. This is my sin. And I hope you forgive it. I desire life is your desire, life outside the shell. But what do you desire?
Excerpt from Tamasha:
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Ved: Joining the movies?
Rickshaw driver: I wanted to. Sure, I did.
Ved: Do it. What's the problem?
Driver: Only one problem. Circumstances. Parents did their duty, got me married. I did the needful, had two kids. The wheel of time turns. Food, children's education, wife's demands. This traffic. This rickshaw.
Ved: You wanted to act?
Driver: Sing. You couldn't guess from my looks. But when I sang on stage in Allahabad, the audience went crazy. They wouldn't let me stop.
Ved: So, you're a hero.
Driver: No, sir. I'm just a rickshaw driver. Not a damn soul knows me. Inside, I am another man. Outside, I'm powerless.
(Ved was actually the one who wished to join the movies and act. But only one problem, circumstance... And he was transferring his failure to another man who had suffered the same problem. Hope you desire to become the hero of your life. Then ENGRAFT CONVENTION 2021 is still open to support you. That of course is if I am forgiven. 🙏 https://engraft.life)
